After an inconspicuous
visit to the News Garden, President Bush has asked John Ashcroft
to shut it down for the sake of National Security.
"The names of the people in that room are frightening, not to
mention all the mean things they say about us" President Bush
commented to Ashcroft.
"First thing I see is Bushwacked. Now that sounds like somebody
wants to pulled a Bobbit on me" said the President. He went
on to name a few of the other names that unnerved him.
PlagueRat was a bio-chemical fear, ObsceneCNN was Ted Turner
in disguise and General Sherman died a hundred years ago - "who
does he think he is trying to kid" was the President's remarks.
" That is as bad as Elvis not realizing he is dead".
The President had some concerns that Bucksnort was a drug dealer
- he remembered the days when he used a rolled up buck to snort
- but that was another story he didn't care to dwell on at the
time of his meeting.
The President didn't think that Steve Case was too smart adding
an o to aol - "everyone knows what AOL is with or without an
extra letter so hiding as aool sure didn't fool me".
Sideshow_Mike was really Sideshow-Bob from the Simpsons television
show that the President watches every Sunday night. "And Sideshow-Bob
is an evil clown and changing it to Mike --- well shows you
cartoon clowns aint as smart as real life clowns" explained
He went on to list the names to be checked with immigration
for valid visa's because if he could not pronounce them, they
had to come from somewhere outside of Crawford. Among the names
he listed were Cosmoi, Innosense, Sarduker, EtsuVol, Tao-Urso,
Trybe, Tresec, Safyst and Wilf. "Just what the heck is "wilf"
anyway?" the President wanted to know.
A few names tickled the President though. " I sure got a kick
out of EmperorNorton" the President said, fondly remembering
the television show "The Honeymooners". "Macleod and Cableguy"
also were on his list of previous viewing.
Then the President turned serious again. "Dreamslaughter, Abolish_Death_and_Taxes
and Honeybunny are a threat to our way of life," claimed the
President. When asked who Honeybunny was, the President insisted
it was really Bill Clinton. " I mean - all those years in the
White House, he was called Honeybunny more than Mr. President"
was the President's answer.
CowTippa was to be put in the suspect list because "it ain't
nice to tip the cow that feeds us". The President also added
CrazyEddy, WiredCrow and Skullhunter as accomplices.
SuzzieQ, DixieGal, Alllie, Jimmy2k, LarryJ, Stella, Clay45,
Tom3, Patti, Kim, JimL, Maggijo, Marilyn, Jed, Jan, Cherie and
MrMalo were to be placed on a separate list of possibly using
their real names so what are they really hiding.
President Bush said he felt a kindred spirit with DamnFool-Idiot
and Smirks, so he requested that Ashcroft leave them alone.
There was an all points bulletin put out for FatBoy, whom the
President believes was Saddam Hussein hoping to find Osama bin
Laden hiding in the Garden.
President Bush concluded the meeting by demanding the heads
of Blako, Chicago7 and SharpEye. "They are the poorest excuses
of security I have ever met. Look at them using their super
secret code names instead of making something up. I just don't
feel safe any more," sighed the President as he grabbed his
golf clubs and headed to the golf course.
"Get me that DancesWithTrout" the President yelled over his
shoulder. "Anyone who can dance with a fish would be far better
security than those three stooges were -- and also that Taco-Boy
'cause I sure am hungry".